My glasses broke like a motherfucker. I was just cleaning them off while getting ready for work, and one half stayed in my hand, and the other stayed in the shirt I was using to clean them.

I had a pair of several-year-old month-long disposables sitting around in our bathroom, so I was able to wear those to work. Now, I’m lucky I had those because they’re the only backup I had and I’m completely debilitated without my glasses, but I’m also unlucky because the contacts are so old they were practically dying by way of turning to dust and they were taking my eyeballs with them.

Did I mention the glasses are too stubborn to cooperate with super glue and athletic tape?

(Note: I’m writing this on the 19th, two days after the broken glasses incident.)

I’ve been wearing these sandpaper contacts now for two days, but because of a last minute cancellation I was able to get an appointment today instead of mid-June, and my eyes are currently being cradled by a fresh pair of baby-ass smooth lenses. I’m in heaven.

What I learned by this whole thing:

• Kaiser Permanente is weird about contacts and most of their eye doctors can’t/aren’t allowed to prescribe them, and they charge you a lot just to hand you a prescription for them (but not for glasses).
• I have steep cornea.
• I have blood vessels encroaching on the edge of my irises, and if it were to get worse I could start loosing my sight. This is a result of sleeping in my contacts all through high school & early college catching up with me. Because of this, I may never be a full-time contact wearer again.
• The old woman cataracts sunglasses I wear while driving come in handy after an eye appointment.